Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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