Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
