So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
