Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize