What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize