when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
