I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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