if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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