so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
