You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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