I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
