everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
