i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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