Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
