I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
