Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
