Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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