ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
