this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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