he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
