my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
