I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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