If i come over, it means nothing
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
