So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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