Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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