Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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