this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
