I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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