I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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