11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
