Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
