my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Randomize
