you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When are your genitals available?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
