Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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