I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
