i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
