What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
