our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize