She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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