The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
