This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
