haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
