Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
