a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
