omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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