So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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