Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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