??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize