It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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