maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
