Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize