Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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