We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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