Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We had sex on a dog bed..
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
