you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
