My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
