He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize