You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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