All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
