WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
