He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
