I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
