I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
