I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
