i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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