it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize