16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
