She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
