i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
